Last week, I discussed several ways that people make you feel as if you're not worth their time, money, or energy.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".
I love this quote! Mrs. Roosevelt was also one smart cookie.
You may find that you go back and forth feeling like you're doing a great job and then plunge into a pit of self-doubt.
THIS IS NORMAL!!!
When it comes to improving your mindset, it's not just a one and done task. In fact, your brain will actually fight your attempts at improvement. I know, it's terribly unfair and pretty much sucks. However, there are a few tricks you can do to improve your mindset and make positive changes to feel better.
Anchors serve a valuable purpose for a ship. They keep it from wandering away and getting lost in a storm. Sometimes, your brain needs this too! Our brains are wired to first look for all the problems of a situation in order to keep us safe. Unfortunately, this causes big fat sabotages when you're trying to stay positive and make changes.
An anchor will help you take charge of your brain and show it who's boss! Whenever you're feeling self-doubt, immediately call up a happy memory. It can be about anything, but it must be something that brings you joy. Let yourself feel the happiness in your body. When you feel nice and happy, then repeat positive affirmations to yourself. This anchors a positive emotion with the words you're saying. Whenever you start to feel doubt, repeat this exercise. Coupling positive words with positive emotions tricks the brain into feeling safe. When this happens, the brain will actively seek more of these experiences because feeling safe is incredibly important. It's our desired state!
Replacing the Negative
Studies have shown that for every negative thought, you need to counteract the damage it causes to your psyche by replacing it with up to 10 positive thoughts. How crazy is that?! It's like being positive takes 10x the work!
When you strip them down, negative thoughts are really about fear. We're afraid that we're not good enough, up to the task at hand, and that people won't like you anymore when they find out about the real you. This is just another example of the brain's imaginary worst-case scenario.
In order to counteract the damage of your inner-critic, I like to employ what I call my inner-cheerleader. Whenever I start to beat myself up, I interrupt myself and state positive facts that I believe to be true. I give myself a pep-talk by thinking about things I've done right, good things people say about me, and saying good things about myself. Remember, it takes more good thoughts to counteract the bad!
If negative thinking (AKA your inner-critic) is your go-to pattern, then you're going to need a pattern disruptor. Pattern disruptors can be as simple as a rubber band around your wrist that you snap every time you think a negative thought. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) also called tapping is another example. You tap yourself and say your fears out loud or tap while you're replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. The tapping acts as a disruptor and lets your body know that changes need to take place.
Sometimes, replacing negative thoughts with negative consequences can be a pattern disruptor. Have you ever heard of a Swear Jar? Using this example, you have to fine yourself some amount of money whenever you slip back into negativity. Make it a large enough amount that you'll miss it if you lose it! How about $20 every time you beat yourself up? This can really hurt your wallet if you're a Negative Nellie! Don't worry, you can use the money to contribute to your savings, or treat yourself to something special when you finally break your patterns.
The key to overcoming negative thinking long-term is to understand why the thoughts began. Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.) helps you put the pieces together about why patterns developed in the first place, and why they're often difficult to stop. If no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, then it's time to revoke that consent once and for all! By increasing your self-confidence and really BELIEVING IT, you'll stay on top of the world and out of the pit of self-doubt.
Dr. April Darley is an expert at resolving stuck patterns of behavior through Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.). By identifying self-sabotaging behaviors, she can help you regain confidence, improve relationships, remove blocks to health, wealth and success in any area of your life.