CAUTION: This blog is about to get REAL!
Since I moved to Texas 2 years ago, I've had someone tell me that I'm not worth it practically on a weekly basis.
Let's just say that wasn't the reception I expected! Instead, I had to grow a thick skin.
As a woman, you've probably been told more times than you can count that you're not worth it too. Now, people aren't usually so rude as to actually say the words "You're not worth it", "You're unworthy", or "You're worthless", but they tell you in other ways. For example, it was once against the law for women to own property, husbands could legally beat their wives as long as the stick he used wasn't larger than the width of his thumb (hence the term Rule of Thumb which is a saying I detest when you understand the origins), we couldn't vote until a little over 100 years ago, often weren't allowed to work, and still only get paid about 70% of what men do despite doing the exact same job.
Examples like these are one of the many reasons that women are offered or accept less than they deserve. If you read my Money Mindset blog series in March (you can start here to catch up), then you know that there are women specific money blocks. These are limiting beliefs that just don't seem to be problems for men.
Here's an example of how someone told me I wasn't worth it this week. I was taking my dog out for a walk and ran into one of my neighbors. She mentioned that she's never seen me going to work (I'm fortunate enough to work from home most days.), and asked me what I did for a living. When conversations head in this direction, here are the 3 most common questions I get asked in the following order:
1) What do you do for a living?----So, I tell them.
2) How much do you charge? I also receive the variation "Are you expensive?"---- My answer to the last question is always no because I believe in myself, the results I provide for others, and I'm competitively priced for a specialist. Then, I give my prices because I believe in being upfront and transparent.
3) Do you take insurance?----I explain that I'm unable to do this in the state of Texas based on the fact that naturopathic medicine isn't recognized, licensed, or monitored in Texas. Anyone can call themselves a Naturopathic Doctor with ZERO legitimate qualifications in Texas.
Here's what often happens next:
* "Oh wow! You're really expensive! I can't afford you, but I definitely need you (based on my explanation of what I do.)
* Is what you do similar to XYZ which is a lot cheaper?
* Is this something I can do on my own without you?
* How long will this take because you're really expensive?
* Can I get a discount?
* If my insurance doesn't cover it, then I won't do it. (even if they want to or need it)
* I would see you if you took my insurance.
* Facial expressions of surprises and disgust.
This is what my neighbor did. First, her eyebrows raised at my prices, then her face twisted into a frown. Next, she gave me the familiar line I've heard all too often. "I can't afford you, but I really need what you have to offer".
So, how am I supposed to react to this? How are you supposed to react as a business owner providing what you believe to be a highly needed and valuable product or service? What can you possibly say to someone who just made you feel like complete crap for trying to make a living doing something you believe in that helps others?
In the past, these interactions have made me feel guilty, worthless, like no one wants or values what I have to offer, that I'm too expensive and shouldn't be charging what I do despite having equal or greater qualifications than similar practitioners (and some MALE counterparts charge 2-3x my prices). Unfortunately, it's often women who do this to other women. They ask for discounts, don't charge what they're worth, carefully weigh the cost vs value, and deny themselves something they really want or need based solely on the price. These are just a few of the women specific money blocks that I mentioned earlier.
The people who say these things to me probably aren't trying to be rude or mean. I'm sure they're thinking about their own financial situation and needs. That's totally ok! My services or prices won't resonate with everyone. I stopped feeling guilty or trying to be everything to everyone (AKA people pleasing) a long time ago. However, I do believe in charging what I'm worth. I've spent 11 years of my life training for what I do today and I'm damn good at it. I have so many testimonials where people tell me that I've changed their lives for the better. They're happier, relaxed, and have done things they never dreamed of before our sessions. That's the best reward ever! I wish I could do this for free, but living in the modern world takes money, and we all have bills to pay!
I'll also let you in on a little secret. Insurance companies are not your friends. They actually don't care about you other than your money. This may sound harsh, but you're probably not surprised. In fact, they consider you a gamble and one they're often unwilling to pay for even when they should. They tell you who to see, where to go, how many sessions you can have, what kind of treatment you can get, and can kick you out for little to no reason. So, why do people have so much loyalty to them?
Naturopathic Doctors spend up to 1 hour for EVERY VISIT with their patients and get reimbursed by insurance compnaies for approximately 15-20 minutes of their time. Why? Because the average healthcare visit by an M.D. is 7-15 minutes long. Are you really able to get the help you need in 15 minutes or less? Plus, if you have a high deductible ($5000/yr is common to keep monthly premiums low), then you're paying out of pocket for everything anyway unless you're hospitalized. So, why not spend your money getting something you really want or need?
Here's the real truth: You're the one who does all the work in our sessions. I'm the guide who helps you let go of pain, stress, fear, anxiety, and limiting beliefs which are keeping you stuck, lost, and unhappy. I show you where to look and what to clear, but you're the one who has to be willing to change, have courage to embrace a new reality, and patient with yourself and the process. All of the miracles and magic are inside of YOU! That my friends, is priceless.
It's hard to be a Healer Archetype, and an Empath whose purpose is to help others who are unable to help themselves. It's even harder to hear that someone doesn't think enough of themselves to value what (or who) can really help them.
Here's a quote I heard recently, "Desire isn't as strong as pain". READ THAT AGAIN. You can have a desire to make changes, but you may not follow through on them because you aren't suffering enough. How crazy is that?
I believe that you're totally worth whatever you choose to charge. Having money doesn't make you a bad person. You totally deserve to have the life of your dreams and do what you love. As a woman, things can get a little extra challenging due to how we've been conditioned by society, or the subconscious/unconscious beliefs we've created along the way. If someone made you feel guilty for what you're charging, or that you're not good enough in other ways, then Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.) can help you ditch that faulty programming and rewrite those negative beliefs!
Dr. April Darley is an expert at resolving stuck patterns of behavior through Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.). By identifying self-sabotaging behaviors, she can help you regain confidence, improve relationships, remove blocks to health, wealth and success in any area of your life.