"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." -Alfred Lord Tennyson
Well no disrespect to Tennyson, but I know some people would disagree! Especially if they've had a heart-wrenching break-up.
Relationships can be wonderful, but they can also be really messy. When relationships end, there can be feelings of grief, loneliness, embarrassment, low self-esteem, and so much more. These feelings are DEEP! You can wish them away all you want, but the only way out is through.
If you've buried these feelings without working through them, then they can rise up years after the break-up.
Your brain tends to hold onto traumatic experiences and play them on loops making you re-live the experiences and memories all over again. This can make it difficult to resolve these feelings on your own.
Triggers can rise up unexpectedly and they don't seem to make a lot of "sense" logically. This is because your limbic brain stores your memories and feelings. This area of the brain isn't where logical thought or reason originates. So, it can make triggers harder to identify and eliminate. However, it is possible! Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.) is a unique way to unwind and release the triggers causing you to re-live painful memories and repeat unhealthy patterns in love.
When it comes to healing, there are a few other things which can help you release the strong feelings associated with painful relationships.
1) Reconnect with friends and family
One thing that happens in abusive relationships is that you're separated from people who could offer you refuge or support. This is a deliberate tactic to keep you dependent on your abuser for all of your needs. If your relationship was troubled, then you may have been embarrassed to hang out with your friends or family because you didn't want to explain your relationship, or hear what they had to say about it.
Either way, it's time to reconnect! When you have a solid support network, it makes you feel safe and secure. These feelings are important for emotional recovery.
2) Find your joy
When you separate from someone, there's inevitably a sense of feeling alone. Even if the break-up was something you wanted or needed, there's still an adjustment period where you're trying to rediscover yourself. Feelings of joy and fun may be missing from your life. Happiness is a very high vibration and is magical at chasing the blues away. Watching a funny movie, checking out a comedy show, going to a festival, or picking up a hobby are great ways to reconnect. Indulge your curiosity! Is there a hobby or project that you've been dreaming of but never made the time for? Then get started!
3) Discover and eliminate your triggers
Triggers are tricky little buggers! It can be hard to pin down exactly what they are, and they can pop out of nowhere when you're least expecting it. I have a client, Amanda* who was triggered every time she saw a car the same color as the one her ex-boyfriend drove. In fact, she began to hate that color and banned it from her wardrobe. She was also mildly triggered whenever she saw someone wearing it.
Triggers tie into our emotions and memories. A smell, song, or something you see can be enough to cause a cascade of responses leading to stress and painful memories. If the trigger is bad enough, it causes you to express behavior where you avoid people or places. Some therapists will even suggest avoidance behavior. I recommend the opposite. When you discover the trigger, you also have the power to eliminate its hold on you. So, instead of avoiding pain, how about we eliminate it? Otherwise, avoidance is just a band-aid and the pain still lingers underneath.
If you're ready to heal from painful relationships of the past, then schedule your FREE phone consultation to learn how Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.) can help un-break your heart!
Dr. April Darley is an expert at resolving stuck patterns of behavior through Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.). By identifying self-sabotaging behaviors, she can help you regain confidence, improve relationships, remove blocks to health, wealth and success in any area of your life.