When one year ends and another begins, people often have at least a little bit of optimism. You see social media posts with a variety of sentiments such as:
-"2020 is going to be my year!"
-"Please be better than 2019!"
-"If 2020 isn't better than 2019, I don't know what I'm going to do!"
Although there's generally a hint of optimism, there's also a dash of fear or cynicism as well!
If you make New Year's resolutions, intentions, or goal setting, then you're consciously acknowledging that you want or need something to change.
This is a wonderful first step! You've identified what you want to change, but have you really delved into WHY you feel something needs to change? This might seem like a small thing, but I promise you it has HUGE consequences when it's overlooked or ignored.
Your WHY supplies a great deal of information. For example, if your goal for 2020 is to have better communication with your spouse/partner, then let's take a look at WHY you might want that.
* Goal: Better communication with spouse or partner
*Immediate WHY: If things don't improve, your relationship could end in divorce, or separation.
*The hidden WHY's:
1) A break-up or divorce could be incredibly embarrassing. What would others say?
2) It could be against your religion or spiritual beliefs.
3) You're unhappy but won't or can't leave, so you're trying to make things better.
4) You're afraid of being alone.
5) You can't support yourself financially without a partner.
Examining your WHY gives you a deeper look at your own motivations and fears. Although your goal of better communication with your spouse/partner is a wonderful thing, each potential WHY listed above would cause you to exhibit different types of thoughts and behaviors. It's not enough to set a goal and sit back to see what happens. That's a recipe for failure! Understanding your internal motivations can help you avoid any self-sabotages that could also creep up.
The next step is the hard part! You've got to take responsibility for your part of the situation, work on yourself, and take appropriate action steps. Plus, let go of trying to force anyone else to do what you want them to do. Just do your best, alter your goals when needed, and be flexible in your thoughts, beliefs, and actions. This is a recipe for success!
I'm wishing you a 2020 filled with a-ha moments, gratitude, helpful insights, and healing. Plus, I hope all your wishes come true!
Dr. April Darley is an expert at resolving stuck patterns of behavior through Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.). By identifying self-sabotaging behaviors, she can help you regain confidence, improve relationships, remove blocks to health, wealth and success in any area of your life.