The In-Between Space

December 12, 2019

 

A friend of mine recently sent me this quote:

 

"I'm in an uncomfortable stage of my life where my old self is gone, but my new self isn't fully born yet. I'm in the midst of transformation." - unknown

 

I call this "The In-Between Space". 

 

It's somehow strangely uncomfortable, exciting, frustrating, wonderful, hopeless, and terrifying. All at the same time. 

 

This is the stage where people feel lost, and are tempted to quit or shift direction. 

 

When something is uncomfortable, our default mode is to flee back to relative safety. Unfortunately, when you're trying to make changes, this impulse can send you back to repeating patterns, making mistakes, and general unhappiness. 

 

The In-Between Space is the most sensitive time along your journey towards change. It's the space that will test you, push you, and force you to grow. If you've encountered obstacles or challenges on your path, this is also the place where you're most likely to feel frustration or despair. No wonder it feels so uncomfortable!

 

When you're leaving your old life behind, it's normal to feel a wide variety of emotions. Subconsciously, you may try to hold onto pieces of your old life so that changes don't feel so sudden or foreign. This isn't always helpful! It's like that old analogy of the rope. Sometimes, it hurts you more to hold on than it does to let go. 

 

When my clients are going through the In-Between Space, I recommend the following things to help them stay on course. 

 

1) Know Your Why

You wanted to change for a reason. When you're in the middle of your journey, having a strong WHY can help you see things through to the end. If you're feeling lost and discouraged, then your WHY will remind you of the changes you wanted to make and how important they are to you. 

 

2) Get Pep Talks

The In-Between Space is filled with victories and challenges. The path toward change isn't a straight one, but filled with ups, downs, and curves. When you encounter obstacles or challenges, your subconscious will make you want to run back to what feels safe and familiar. This is when you need pep talks or professional help the most. When you feel lost or like quitting, getting help from someone who is objective will remind you of your WHY and give you some much needed support to get you through the rough stuff. Examples of professionals who can help you include business coaches, transformational life coaches, licensed counselors and therapists plus doctors such as myself. 

 

3) Surround Yourself With Positive Information

When you're encountering obstacles or challenges, you want to keep yourself in a relaxed and receptive state. Getting stressed activates your fight, flight, or freeze system. This isn't helpful for your daily life or reaching your goals! If you're slipping into a state of depression or despair, then the urge to quit will be strong. The ego will also be whispering nasty little messages in your ear about failure. It's going to take diligence and willpower to put that nasty little voice in its place! Try reading inspirational books, listening to podcasts from people who have achieved the same goals you want to achieve, and filling your social media with positive groups. There's nothing wrong with a few puppy and kitten videos to lighten your mood when you're feeling down. 

 

4) Practice Self-Care

Whether you're on the road to making personal or business changes, don't forget to take care of yourself. Stress often makes the need for self-care stronger, but the desire for it tends to decrease. One of my clients makes it a point to build her calendar around her self-care appointments. They become the number one priority and everything else takes second place. Isn't that fantastic?! While this may not work for you, it's helpful to honor those appointments just as much as you would important business appointments. 

 

 

"May the next few months be a period of magnificent transformation."

-Anonymous

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr. April Darley is an expert at resolving stuck patterns of behavior through Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.). By identifying self-sabotaging behaviors, she can help you regain confidence, improve relationships, remove blocks to health, wealth and success in any area of your life.

 

 

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